This week I received an email from someone named Cletus Woodham, with the subject Spam: part 3. This reminded me how wonderful spam is. I mean, Cletus Woodham?
My curated collection of spam screenshots are a testament to spam mail’s magnificence, a fact sadly overlooked in modern society. I argue that spam is one of our greatest cultural achievements. Consider:
1. Spam is comedy. No one else sends you emails with subject lines like
2. Spam has your best interests at heart. Without it, how would you know about common attraction killing words to women?
(Turns out it’s ‘honk’. Women hate that.)
3. Spam is an art form. Consider this brilliant poem:
4. Spam alerts you to new products you never knew about but absolutely need.
5. Spam cares. It wants to make sure you ‘do not die in pain and silence’ when your problems can ‘be handle with full force of our oracle and ancestors’.
There are a lot more reasons why spam is great, and trust me, I will probably tell you about them sooner than you could possibly hope.