Category: Advice

  • 7 tips to stave off divorce

    Don’t go to bed angry Instead, stay awake fighting for days, ultra-marathon style. A mention in the Guinness Book of World Records for Longest Marital Showdown is a sure way to reignite the flame. Spice up your love life Cardamom. Paprika. Basil. Turmeric. These are all things you should not put on your genitals, unless […]

  • Career advice for the pre-foetus

    Your career considerations should begin well before you’re conceived. It’s important to be born to at least one parent in your desired field, preferably two. Other factors to consider are your potential parents’ projected income levels and stability. Your prospects decrease if your dad leaves your mom after she loses her cheese-sprayer job. However, research […]

  • Let’s go out for cool water and zucchini slices

    You probably heard that I quit sugar recently. Well, technically speaking – and there are a lot of technical details based on questionable science – I quit fructose. A skinny blonde woman and a man claiming to be a doctor said fructose is bad and I should stop eating it, and also stop being in […]

  • Financial advice for writers (and other chronically underpaid professionals)

    If you’re like me, you’ve probably never made a decent paycheque. Some people might suggest you’re in the “wrong industry” and you should get a “real job,” but those people will never know the joy that comes with putting the finishing touches on the thirty-seventh draft of a made-for-YouTube webisode script entitled Monkey Balls. But […]