Category: Writing

  • Noted: Blind Date with a Book

    Have you ever wished that humans were books? Well now they are, and you can date one! Join me at Noted Festival in Canberra. This is sure to be hilarious or a disaster. Either way, you win!

  • A letter to the cactus in my apartment’s recycling bin

    Dear Cactus,I don’t want to alarm you. I suppose earlier this week you were chilling out, doing your photosynthesis thing in one of my neighbour’s windows. And now you’ve found yourself shoved in this recycling bin, mostly buried under unrinsed beer bottles and partially crushed egg cartons. A sudden move like that would be a big […]

  • 7 signs your thesis may be imminently due

    You have run out of hand soap and are now using shampoo instead. You envy people in prison because at least they get to sleep. Your grocery list is MLA formatted: Tiger, Tony the. (2017[1952]) “Frosted Flakes,” Kellog’s, n. pag. You’re also using shampoo as dish detergent. Your dishes smell like ylang-ylang. You’ve forgotten your […]

  • Happy all-of-the-holidays

    I’m spending the holidays (all of them, not just Jesus-giftathon) thigh-deep in this nonsense. It looks picturesque, but it’s -20 Celsius. Enjoy the holidays (or just enjoy Christmas and be miserable the rest of the time, if that’s your thing) and see you in the new year.

  • 7 ways to tell if your neighbours are trying to eat you

    I use the term ‘neighbours’ loosely. Because the collapse of modern civilisation means most of us no longer have a fixed address, it’s hard to describe the people you encounter in your day-to-day scavenging as neighbours. Let’s use the term to mean “people in your general vicinity at any given moment.” How watchful should you be […]

  • Settling the e-books vs direct-to-brain digital text streaming argument

    Call me old-fashioned, but no matter how popular direct-to-brain digital text streaming gets, I’ll never give up e-books. Sure, there are lots of arguments for having the entire canon of English literature digitally streamed to a receptor that has been surgically implanted in your brain. The one-time insertion cost sounds like a bargain at $329 […]

  • Financial advice for writers (and other chronically underpaid professionals)

    If you’re like me, you’ve probably never made a decent paycheque. Some people might suggest you’re in the “wrong industry” and you should get a “real job,” but those people will never know the joy that comes with putting the finishing touches on the thirty-seventh draft of a made-for-YouTube webisode script entitled Monkey Balls. But […]