The whites of my eyes turned noticeably yellow. Banana yellow. I did not want to see a doctor about this, because I otherwise felt fine.

My eyeball yellowness went on several days. I stared at my eyeballs in the bathroom mirror. Was this yellowness the start of something? Early onset jaundice?

I called the nurse’s advice hotline. The nurse would advise me what to do.

‘I don’t know what could be causing that,’ she said. ‘You need to see a doctor.’

‘ … What if I didn’t see a doctor?’

‘My advice is for you to see a doctor.’ You could tell she was stating this clearly so that if I died of yellow eye, my family couldn’t dig up a recording of this call and sue.

I went to a different walk-in clinic. This time, I saw a young woman who wore a white lab coat. There wasn’t even any dog hair on it.

‘What are you here about?’

‘The whites of my eyes have turned yellow.’

She shone a tiny flashlight in my eyes. Then she laughed. ‘Well, I don’t know how yellow the whites of your eyes normally are.’

‘They’re normally white.’

‘Uh-huh.’ She laughed again. ‘I’m not sure what you want me to say.’

I went home. A few days later, my eyeballs returned to their usual colour.