Do not tell people about your Prize Award

We are pleased to inform you of the release of the
SPANISH SWEEPSTAKE LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM
Your email address drew the lucky numbers 01-5-11-12-21-34
that consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category.

The business I am introducing you to is palpably based on sheer trust
and with a sense of purpose for all modalities
has been mapped out because it falls within my area of Jurisdiction
and it is 100% Hitch free.

I HAVE A LEGAL AND CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL FOR YOU.
I am willing to send you a free rug simulation.
I know this may sound so strange for you and also extremely risky for me
to offer such proposal to a total stranger via email

but unfortunately this happens to be my last resort to get it done.
Right now I am the most happiest woman on earth.
Every camper should have this laser strong enough to light a fire.
It’s a UltraBeam Tactical Laser..!

-All the words on this page are an ad-
I will be waiting to read from you.
Thank You and Be Blessed.
To your success!

Yours faithfully,
Mrs. Janet Hessian, Network Online Coordinator.

The overlooked cultural achievements of spam mail

This week I received an email from someone named Cletus Woodham, with the subject  Spam: part 3. This reminded me how wonderful spam is. I mean, Cletus Woodham? 

Cletus Woodham - a spam love story by Ashley Kalagian Blunt

My curated collection of spam screenshots are a testament to spam mail’s magnificence, a fact sadly overlooked in modern society. I argue that spam is one of our greatest cultural achievements. Consider:

1. Spam is comedy. No one else sends you emails with subject lines like

Spam screenshot: comedy from Ashley Kalagian Blunt

2. Spam has your best interests at heart. Without it, how would you know about common attraction killing words to women?
comedy Ashley Kalagian Blunt
(Turns out it’s ‘honk’. Women hate that.)

3. Spam is an art form. Consider this brilliant poem:
comedy Ashley Kalagian Blunt

4. Spam alerts you to new products you never knew about but absolutely need. Spam screenshot: comedy from Ashley Kalagian Blunt

5. Spam cares. It wants to make sure you ‘do not die in pain and silence’ when your problems can ‘be handle with full force of our oracle and ancestors’.

comedy Ashley Kalagian Blunt
There are a lot more reasons why spam is great, and trust me, I will probably tell you about them sooner than you could possibly hope.